I'm Not Good Enough
by He who writes Yaoi
Summary: It has been years since Kise lost the love of his life, and he never thought he'd be happy again, until he met a certain redhead. Now he and Kagami are together in a firm relationship, but what happens when his first love suddenly shows up, with no memories of his past? AU YAOI AoKagaKise
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.**

**Warnings: **male-to-male smut, OOC-ness and crappy writing...

**Writer's note:** Hello, long time no see, eh? So, first of all... this is a sort of experimental fic. This is my first attempt at a love triangle story, so I'm expecting things to develop more on the... emotional side of things, if ya dig what I mean. Anyway, hope you like it. I'll shut up for now and let you enjoy the story. Good reading~!

**I'm Not Good Enough**

One

The rain pattered gently on the cold morning asphalt, after the horrible storm of last night, which had left the weather even colder than it already was. People were rushing down the sideways, hunched over and clutching the fronts of their jackets in hopes to keep the warmth in and the cold out, making their way down the crowded streets to their respective destinations. A sense of melancholy in the air, a coldness that washed over and made everything look even sadder and depressing.

And out of all the pedestrians that walked past a particular alley, no one paid attention to the young man who was sat beside a dumpster, observing the movement just like every morning, while trying to keep himself warm. He rubbed at his arms, wrapping himself with the ragged clothing he didn't even remember where it came from. The man had dark blue hair and blue eyes, he was dirty and lonely, he was hungry and he didn't know who he was. What was his name, where did he come from, how old he was, where were his family if he had one... he couldn't remember anything at all.

Sighing, the man dug his hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out a small box and then opening it, two golden rings stared back at him. He could feel the curves of his lips forming into a small smile. For some reason, looking at them always brought a good feeling to him, it was nostalgic, even though he didn't know how they ended up with him. Was he going to ask someone in engagement? He asked himself many times if he would ever find this person, whoever it was, when they would meet, if they would remember him, of who he was... he was almost sure that he had been somebody in the past, but he couldn't even recall his name.

"Ah, crap... who am I?" He grumbled to himself. Placing the small box back in the pocket of his dirty jeans, he closed his eyes and tried to make himself more comfortable. He hoped that the sun would soon pay a visit to Japan, because he couldn't take that cold any longer.

* * *

_"Thank you, Satoshi-san. Now, important news: with the tension in the West finally resolved, many soldiers are looking forward to-"_

"Damn, where the hell are those damn things?" The redhead growled in frustration, trying to figure out where he had left his car keys. Blood red eyes looked around the bedroom frantically, the scowl on the tanned man's face deepening, before he let out a groan of defeat. Dammit!

A pair of pale, slightly toned arms wrapped themselves around his muscular frame and he smiled, the scowl vanishing almost completely as he turned around to face the golden-haired man who was only two centimetres shorter than him, amber-coloured eyes gazing up at the blood red ones with a softness that was all too familiar to him now. The blond man pressed his lips against his softly, a brief caress, before pulling away.

"I guess you're looking for these?" The blond smiled, the redhead's keys resting on a open palm.

"Thanks." He said with an embarrassed grin, taking the keys from his hand. Then he was pressing his lips against his lover's again, wrapping one long, muscled arm around the blond's slim waist. The kiss was slow and sweet, yet neither seemed to take notice when it became more needy, except when the blond gasped as the redhead pressed their bodies together, and before they knew it, they were back on the bed.

"Kise." The redhead murmured when the need for air became too much, beginning a trail of kisses along the column of the other's neck. The blond gasped, feeling the warm hands of his lover sliding inside the fabric of his shirt and shuddering as two calloused fingers found their way over one of his nipples.

"Kagamicchi..." The blond whispered, pale hands coming up to push the taller man's muscular torso gently. "You're going to be late."

"It's alright."

"But it's your first day."

The redhead sighed and nodded. "... Fine." Planting one swift kiss on the man's forehead, he stood up. He grabbed his wallet and keys, then he looked over his shoulder and smiled at the blond. "Have a good day at work, angel."

"You too, love." The blond smiled back, and then the redhead was walking out of the room. He heard the front door closing and breathed a soft sigh, leaning back on the mattress and glancing at the window.

The blond's name was Kise Ryouta, one of the most famous and expensive models in Japan. He was starting to expand his modelling career abroad, and probably, he'd probably move to America with his lover, Kagami Taiga. They had met purely by chance, Kagami had just come back from the War and was looking for a place to settle down, and he and Kise had been together for three years now. Kagami was, in every aspect, the perfect boyfriend. He cared, he listened and he loved the blond like no man ever would. It had been the redhead who had pulled Kise out of his misery, for exactly three years ago, he had lost his other lover in the War. His name was Aomine Daiki, and Kise had loved him like he'd never love another man.

Sighing, Kise got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. The news of his boyfriend's death had crushed him completely, and for six months Kise had been in a deep state of depression. After all, he and Aomine had been together for almost five years, but then the War happened and Aomine had volunteered himself to fight for his country, despite the blond's protests. Kise had watched the news frantically, every day, every minute, every waking second, in hopes of finding that the love of his life was still alive, that he was doing well in the War. When the news announced that the conflict was finally over, Kise had waited... and waited, and he never came back. Not even his corpse had been found, he simply... vanished from the planet. Kise never thought he'd be happy again, until he met the redhead.

Turning off the shower, the blond stepped out of the bathroom, shivering slightly in the cold. It had been hard to get over Aomine's death, but Kagami had managed to close the blond's injuries, piecing together the shards of the blond's shattered heart, and little by little, Kise came to accept the loss, that being depressed would not change anything and that he should move on with his life. He still missed his tanned lover, but as long as Kagami was with him, he could begin anew.

Feeling his phone vibrating in his pocket, Kise pulled it out and brought to his pierced ear. "Hello? Kyoto? Hmm, yeah, no problem. I'll call you when I get there. Bye." He flipped his phone shut, standing up and walking over the window. A sigh escaped the pale lips and Kise closed his eyes.

_Aominecchi..._

* * *

Ouch, very short, yes. Next chapters are going to be filled with lots and lots of drama, so prepare your tissues, people! Thanks for reading, and until next time~!


	2. Chapter 2

**Writer's note:** I would like to point out that I am very disappointed with the lack of interest in this story. Maybe I shouldn't have been, but I really had hoped that you would appreciate the effort I put into this story. I waited, and waited, and got only two reviews. Two in _five days_. And don't even get me started with chapter one, which I had waited almost three weeks to get only three reviews. Do not expect me to bitch and whine for reviews at every chapter, if that's what it takes to get some appreciation from readers, then I should better stop writing and focus on other things.

Two

Sunlight streamed through the open windows, stretching across the luxuriously furnished bedroom and over the sleeping blond. Kise's breathing changed and as he awoke, he rolled over in search of the warm body that had been resting next to his. Instead, he only found the softness of the bed sheets, with his boyfriend nowhere to be found. Sitting up on the mattress, the blond man grabbed one of the pillows and took in a deep breath that was laced with the faint smell of his lover's unique scent, and he smiled.

Moments later, the sound of a door opening could be heard, and Kise looked up, watching as his boyfriend stepped into the room, dressed in his workout clothes; a pair of ragged cut-off jeans and a tank top, and like always, Kise found himself gazing at his lover's muscular frame. Kagami had an amazing body, his muscles bulged everywhere as he walked and he had one of those asses that made a belt strictly ornamental. His tanned skin was slightly flushed, and the fact that his entire body was covered in a shin sheen of sweat made him look that much more attractive.

"I was going to yell at you for leaving me on bed... but I changed my mind." Kise licked at his lips as his lover made his way over the closet.

Kagami chuckled, pulling his sweaty tank top over his head. "I hope you like what you're seeing."

"Absolutely." The blond man replied with a yawn as the redhead sat down on the mattress.

"You sleep well?" Kagami asked, wrapping one long, muscular arm around the pale shoulders.

"Hmm..." Kise nodded, leaning into his lover's touch as Kagami pushed him back to bed, the blond's right cheek pressed against his warm chest and hearing the steady beating of his lover's heart. Kagami was sticky with sweat, but Kise didn't mind as he found himself basking in the warmth that radiated off of the redhead's body.

"So, breakfast?" Kagami asked and the blond nodded. "Alright, I'm going to take a shower and prepare something for you."

As they both stood up, a idea flashed in his head and Kise grinned. "Ne, Kagamicchi? Can I make breakfast?"

"You sure about that?" Kagami asked with a smile. "I mean, last time, you almost..."

"Mou, that was three months ago, you don't have to remind me of that." The blond said with a cute pout. "Please, Kagamicchi, please, please?"

The tanned man chuckled. "Alright, alright."

Whilst his boyfriend went to take his shower, Kise made his way over the wardrobe and pulled out one of Kagami's large t-shirts, and then grabbed a pair of blue boxers from one of the bottom drawers. He then wandered into the kitchen and set about preparing some semblance of breakfast. He opened a few drawers, when he felt a pair of muscular, tanned arms encircling his waist and his back was pressed against a sweaty chest.

"Kagamicchi...?" The blond began as Kagami leaned his chin on the pale shoulder in front of him. He couldn't help the small giggle that escaped his lips when he felt Kagami's fingers pinching at his ribs gently. "S-Stop, that tickles...!"

"Hmm... stop what? This?" Kagami mumbled, leaning forward to press a kiss to the back of the blond's neck.

"Kagamicchi, stop... I'm trying to make your..." Kise trailed off and shuddered, cheeks turning a bright pink as the calloused hands of his lover moved inside his shirt, lifting the garment and revealing the warm flesh of the blond's toned stomach. Though he didn't mind the sweet treatment of his boyfriend, it wasn't like him to be so clingy in the morning._ What's up with him today?_

"I want a kiss, then I'll stop."

The blond sighed and smiled. "Fine, silly." And before he could say anything else, Kagami was kissing him, pressing his lips against his, the kiss gentle and loving, showing the clear compassion and trust held between the two men as their mouths moved perfectly with each other's. They could have easily stood there, with Kise pressed up against the counter, for all eternity, but Kise's stomach gave a demanding growl that caused Kagami to give a spluttering snort into the kiss, thus halting all the ministrations to their swollen lips with finality.

"Sorry." Kagami smiled apologetically, releasing him before making his way over the table. The redhead watched as his boyfriend swirled the egg mixture around the pan before letting it rest. "Now turn down the heat."

Kise nodded in response, turning down the heat as soon as the mixture was half solidified, then put the grated cheese and fried rice on the mixture. He reached for the spatula on the counter and lifted the mixture slightly so the omelette could slide towards the edge, then settled it onto a empty plate and left the pan on the stove. He watched expectantly as Kagami dug into the food with his fork.

"Hey, not bad." Kagami said, a small smile spreading on his lips as he chewed on the food.

The blond's cheeks reddened a little and he grinned. "Thanks."

They ate in comfortable silence, staring out of the window at the clear blue skies that had opened up overnight to reveal a bright sun. After eating, they both got up and washed their plates, then Kise turned around and looked at the other man. "So, um... you still haven't taken your shower, right?" He asked suggestively, giving the taller man a inviting smile. Kagami didn't even need to answer him, as he followed his boyfriend into the bathroom. Throwing their clothes somewhere in the room, they jumped in the small cubicle. Pulling the glass door shut behind him, Kagami reached a hand to turn on the shower whilst his other hand cupped his lover's chin as their mouths connected.

Water cascaded over their bodies as the two men found themselves in a slow, heated kiss, their tongues delving into each other's mouths, tracing teeth and lips. A swipe of the tongue was all Kagami needed for Kise to open his mouth invitingly and grant him permission to explore, his tongue soon twisting around the blond's in a slow, sensual dance. Kise's eyes fluttered shut as his hands roamed over his boyfriend's broad torso, and he gasped into the kiss when he felt the twin blocks of meat tightening under his fingers. Breaking the kiss to momentarily gaze at his lover, Kagami leaned forward and buried his head in the crook of the blond's neck.

"Kagamicchi..." Kagami heard his lover moan his name and shuddered at the sound, his voice barely audible over the sound of the water. He pulled back slightly to find his lover panting heavily, his cheeks flushed and his eyes closed. Water tripped over his face, moulding to run along the sides of his nose, over the curve of his upper lip and seeping into the seam of his lips before trickling down his chin and over the long column of his neck. Then he took one of his nipples and twisted it gently, and the blond gasped at the pain and pleasure, and as he moved his lips from his throat, the redhead flicked his tongue out to lick at the blond's right cheek before tracing the shell of his ear, earning another delicious moan from the pale man. Smirking at all the sounds that were so easily coming out from the blond's mouth, Kagami pressed their bodies together and ground his hips against the blond's.

"Kagamicchi... ah, please..."

"I thought you wanted this?" The smirk on the taller man's lips widened when his lover whimpered. "Take your time, my love, no need to rush the inevitable."

_He's being so passionate today..._ Kise thought as Kagami continued marking him possessively. His sensitive body responded to every touch of the taller man who had him now pinned against the tiled wall, his wrists raised above his head as the redhead held him with one hand, the other wrapping itself around the blond's length and stroking it teasingly, the spray from the shower head raining down on it and providing little pinpricks of pleasure all along the length of his erection. It was always like that, Kise couldn't tease the redhead a little that Kagami would go crazy with his boyfriend's body. But there was something different about Kagami today, he was being even more passionate than normal, much more.

"Kise, I..." Kagami whispered in the man's ear, but then he was cut off abruptly by the blond's phone in the other room.

"Sorry." Kise smiled, gently pulling away from their embrace. "I'll be back quickly if it's not important, promise!" He called as he dashed out of the bathroom.

"... Right." Kagami leaned his forehead against the cold wall and sighed heavily. "Dammit..."

* * *

"I mean, I tried this morning, but his damn agent called him, some photo session with a famous model or some crap like that, and he had to leave before I even got to ask him." Kagami sighed, leaning back in his seat and throwing a despaired glance at the dark-haired man who was sat on the opposite side of the table. "I know it's his job, but damn, I was so close!"

Warming his hands up by the aid of his hot morning coffee, Himuro reached for the sugar. "Well, you know you will always have another chance to tell him."

"Tatsuya..." The two were sat in quiet café and while Himuro calmly sipped at his warm chocolate, Kagami despaired over his crisis. "It's been three years since we started dating, I can't let another year pass by. And today is a very special day for us."

"Asking the loved one in engagement on their birthday dating. How cliché..." Himuro said with a soft chuckle, earning a hard glare from the redhead which of course didn't have any effect on him. "Well, what I'm trying to say... is to be patient. You said he'd be back in like, a couple of hours or so, right? So why don't you think about how you're gonna ask him?"

"I know, I know. It's just... it's so complicated." Kagami looked out the window of the store. "And I'm not even sure if he's going to say yes... it's been three years, man, I don't want to screw it up."

Himuro smiled. "Taiga, I've known him since college, and as far as I'm concerned, you're practically everything Kise-kun has ever wished from a boyfriend. So don't go saying that he's going to say no to you."

_Everything he's ever wished..._ Kagami thought. He shook his head. "I just hope you're right." He said, standing up to his feet. "Thanks, man, I'll head back home and make all the preparations, y'know, just a nice dinner for him. Maybe tonight I'm going to finally say it to him."

Himuro lifted one eyebrow. "Don't you have work?"

"Kiyoshi-san's agreed to work today's shift."

"Oh, I see. Good luck with your wedding, soon-to-be bride!" Himuro teased, earning a loud "Shut up!" from the other man as he practically dashed out of the store. He took another sip of his chocolate and smiled around the mug. _Ah, Taiga, Taiga..._

On that same afternoon, Kagami had returned to his and the blond's apartment, but not without making a quick stop at the local supermarket to get all the ingredients for his special dinner with his blond-haired boyfriend. It wasn't something that fancy, just a couple of meals that he knew the blond liked. Kise would be back at seven, and by the time it was six, he had everything prepared. Kagami sat on the large sofa with a tired sigh on the large couch, his blood red eyes glancing at the clock on the wall, when he realised he had forgotten something very important.

"Oh, shit, the rings! Alex's going to kill me!" He jumped out of the couch, grabbing his jacket and quickly dashing out of the apartment.

* * *

"Kagamicchi, I'm... home?" Kise finished lamely, amber eyes widening as they took in his boyfriend's predatory gaze on him. He proceeded to remove his coat and scarf, then he allowed the redhead to undo the scarf wrapped securely around his neck. Kise whispered a soft "Thanks" before reaching up and throwing the piece of material somewhere in the living room.

"You're tense. Was work okay?" Kise nodded in reply. "I missed you. Come with me, got something prepared for you." A puzzled look took over the blond's features, but he allowed himself to be pulled into the kitchen. Turning on the light switch, Kise's eyes widened softly as he took in the various meals that were set down on the kitchen table.

"You made these?" Kise asked, glancing at the other man who simply nodded in response whilst pulling a chair for the smaller man. He sat down, a small smile on the blond's lips as he took a small portion of the food. "I remember this... you made it on our first date."

"Yeah, I know you love this kind of stuff." Kagami smiled, taking a sip of his glass of wine. He poured some on another glass and handed it to the other man. "You know what day is today?"

"Yes, of course I do." The blond replied, blinking when the redhead stood up and walked over to him. "Kagamicchi, what are you...?" His words were cut off as Kagami grabbed his arm and gently pulled him away from the table. Golden eyes stared at crimson ones, and it wasn't until Kagami pulled his lover towards him did he push their lips together. Tanned arms surrounded the pale man and he leant into his lover's touch, both men supporting knowing smiles, fully aware that they wanted each other, although Kagami's did appear more lustful than usual.

"Kise Ryouta." The air was thick with tension and the blond man blushed under that intense gaze on him. "Tonight, I'm going to offer you my undying love."

"Ka..."

The words died in his throat and Kise slowly widened his eyes as Kagami pulled out a small box from his pocket and opened it, and they widened even more if that was possible, when he looked down at the contents inside the box; a pair of platinum rings sat side by side. When the blond slowly lifted his gaze back to the taller man, Kagami had a timid smile on his tanned face, and he took in a deep breath before dropping the question.

"Do you want to marry me?"

An awkward silence settled over them, Kagami's nervousness only increasing as he watched his lover expectantly. Marriage. Kise had never thought about something so serious like marriage, even with Aomine, but it wasn't a bad idea now that he was thinking about it. Of course he loved Kagami, they had been together for so long, it was a perfect relationship. There was nothing to complain, really. They paid their bills with little difficulty and they knew how to solve discussions without getting into a fight, and of course, his sex life with the redhead was excellent. So, why was Kise so afraid?

"Okay, I get it." Kagami sighed, seeing the blond's hesitation. He stood up, Kise widening his eyes as he tried to approach the other man, but was denied as the redhead turned and started taking the plates from the table. "Just... leave me."

"Kagamicchi..."

"You know, Kise, my biggest goal wasn't to get a promotion, it wasn't to accumulate money or anything of the sort. My only wish was to make you notice me, that I exist. I've spent three years healing your heart, carefully piecing the shards together..." He chuckled - a dry, sour laugh. "But you still can't leave your past behind..."

"Please, Kagamicchi, let's talk-..."

"Talk? How do you want to talk after you've practically rejected my feelings for you?" Kagami spun around to face the smaller man, his expression hurt. "You still can't get over his death, that's the truth. You walk over that window every morning, thinking that he might miraculously come back from the grave, and you have absolutely no idea what it's like to hold the hand of someone who can't let go of someone's shadow. I told you many times, Kise, Aomine is _gone_, he isn't coming back."

"I know he isn't..."

"Then why do you still think about him?!" Kise's eyes widened in shock as the taller man slammed a hand against the table. He had never seen Kagami so angry, and it scared him. "Fuck, Kise, I'm your boyfriend, yet I've never heard you say a single 'I love you' to me! How many times I said that to you? How many times I kissed you? How many times I said I'd never leave you because you mean everything to me? How many times I made love to you?" He sighed and turned back, his hands trembling as he gripped at the edge of the table. "I've been really patient with you, Kise, but I'm starting to think you're just using me as a substitute for Aomine..."

Kise, who had been looking at his feet in shame, snapped his head at the tanned man. "No! Please, do not think like that! You know I loved Aominecchi, and it's been really difficult to get over his death. But my feelings for you are true, I'm just not ready for something so important like marriage. Please, Kagamicchi, think about what you're saying!"

"I've been thinking about that for three years, Kise, I guess I've thought long enough." Kagami smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. He sighed. "I'm sorry, but I gotta think about this. Don't wait for me." He made his way over the door, and before walking out of the room, he threw one final glance at the blond. "Just... think about me, about us, okay?"

Kise sat down, watching as Kagami walked away, while feeling like a complete idiot for rejecting his boyfriend's feelings. As he heard the front door slamming shut, he finally allowed his tears to come out.

"Kagamicchi..."

* * *

... And that was chapter two. Reviews, I guess...


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